An ugly creature stands in front of me, looming over my
quivering mass of submissive thoughts and actions. It's domineering, nasty, and amoral. This one is called “Shame.”
Shame
got created when I was a child and took some candy that belonged to my
sister. She was always mean to me and
wouldn’t share any of the special treats she seemed to receive so often. I just wanted my fair share, so I took
it. But she told our parents, and I was
shamed and punished. Ever since Shame
showed up, I go into any new situation knowing that I probably won’t be treated
fairly and desperately hiding a feeling that I’m a fraud (not competent or
attractive) and about to be found out.
Shame has a sword in its hand and plunges it, once again,
into my gut. I stand there helplessly
while feeling the familiar pain of the thrust and the twist. A resigned, tired voice in my head says, “Oh,
THIS again.”
Once I am well and truly gutted, Shame pulls out the sword
and then in a stealthy way so that I won’t notice (again), steps beside me and
holds my hand. This is not for my
comfort (of course not!). It’s so that
Shame and I are never far apart and so that Shame will never miss an
opportunity to re-open the wound as that seems to sustain it and bring it a
perverse pleasure.
But, I am strong. I
do not bleed to death, although I’m tempted to do just that to get out of this
never-ending pattern. Instead, I do the
only thing that has worked in the past . . . I make myself as small as possible
while the wound scabs over. Once the
pain eases and I’m overtaken by the boredom of being small and alone, I shake
myself off and go out in the world.
Shame is still with me, still holding my hand but has made itself small
and invisible. I almost believe it is
gone, but not quite.
Soon, I find others who “care” enough about me to want to
hear my sad tale. They listen and
sympathize. I feel better. They tell me it isn’t fair, and I feel even
better. They tell me I’m a good person
and don’t deserve this kind of treatment.
Now I feel good enough to be angry at my sister – very angry
indeed. After all, it was her fault for
telling our parents. If she hadn’t done
that, I wouldn’t have been shamed and punished.
She’s the guilty one. I’m a good
person and a strong one. I’m going to go
tell her what I think, bolstered by my “loving” friends.
When I confront my sister, she throws a lightning bolt of
righteous anger at me, demolishing my confidence and cauterizing the original
wound. Now I feel the squeeze of Shame’s
hand on mine, and I know that I am not a good person and that speaking up for
myself is very dangerous as it will result in more punishment – I will be cast
out of my family, or at least that’s what I secretly fear. Then I will be alone.
Oh dear. This wasn’t
a good idea. I’d better go back to being
small and insignificant.
Small and insignificant.
Small and insignificant. Small
and insignificant.
Small and insignificant . . . but getting bored again. It’s no fun being unhappy all alone.
I know! I’ll go on
the spiritual path. That’s it. Those people get to talk to God, so I’ll
learn how to do that and then ask God to fix my sister so I can live a happy
life . . . and her too, of course.
OK, I’m here now. I’m
happy to chant “ohmmmmm” with the rest of you if it will help me learn how to
talk to God. Don’t worry about the
creature holding my hand. It hardly ever
causes any problems, and if it does, I’ll deal with it. I’ve done that many times. I’m sure you’ve all got creatures of one sort
or another too, and mine is probably not as powerful as yours.
Oh, I like this meditation thing. I get really relaxed and I’ve started to have
“spiritual experiences.” This is
great. I have friends to talk to about
what happens with me, and they are very impressed with my “abilities.” I think I’m getting close to talking to
God. I sure hope he/she talks back as I
really want to know how to fix my sister.
But, I’m stuck! I
keep meditating but I’m not getting anywhere.
This is frustrating, for heaven’s sake!
Look, God, just tell me what to do.
I’m devoted. I’m a seeker on the
path. I’ll do anything you tell me to do
– just tell me NOW! Oh, don’t worry
about the creature holding my hand. It
hardly ever causes a problem, and if it does I can deal with it, so please just
tell me how to fix my sister. Silence.
Finally, finally, when I least expected it, I heard a quick
quiet voice. Its words were simple and
direct, but I didn’t understand them (ok, maybe I didn’t want to understand).
“Love yourself as you are loved. Let go of Shame’s hand.”
“But, but . . . I can’t do that. I’m not holding on to Shame’s hand. It’s holding on to my hand. I’m the victim here. I can’t get rid of Shame, but don’t worry
God, I know how to deal with it. It’s
just part of life, so let’s get on with fixing my sister.” And God spoke again.
“Love your sister as you are loved. Let go of Shame’s hand.”
“But I’m not loved.
That’s the point. It’s her fault
that Shame is with me at all.”
“But, you are loved.
We love you beyond measure and await you in the garden where Shame
cannot go.”
“How can you love me?
You wouldn’t love me if you really knew me . . . would you?”
“Yes. We do know you
and we love you.”
Quietly, spoken over the shoulder as I tried to retreat into
small and insignificant . . . “even though I stole the candy.”
“No matter what you’ve done and no matter what you do, you
are loved.”
And then, God helped me see that I am the master of my fate,
the captain of my ship.
“Dear One, release the hand of Shame and know that you are
whole and worthy of being loved. You
took the candy because it seemed the right and reasonable thing to do at the
time in your child’s mind and heart.
Your sister complained because it seemed the right and reasonable thing
to do from the perspective of her child’s mind and heart. Your parents did not want to invite in
Shame. Shame and Integrity stood in the
doorway at the same time, and your parents were trying to invite in Integrity,
but you needed Shame to be with you for a time to teach you the lesson of
Mastery. Shame was an effective agent of
this learning for it is a sharp and deep emotion, very difficult to
eradicate. One must come to a knowing of
his/her own mastery as the creator of this life in order to escort Shame from
the premises, and that is what you are in the process of doing. Here is how the process works . . .
Initially, you release the hand of Shame by recognizing that
you’ve been using your victimhood as a way to garner the approval of others,
all the while not approving of yourself.
Make a different choice - recognize that you truly are a good person and
have integrity now that you have an adult perspective. This is the first step, but Shame will not
leave immediately. It will remain until
you are absolutely sure that there is nothing in Shame that reflects you. It will stand in front of you until then,
just in case you want it back (and many do pull old energies back at this point
thus prolonging their ‘stuckness’ – sometimes for lifetimes).
Once you have recognized that Shame is not present because
of your sister or anyone or anything else, accept that you asked Shame to
participate in your life to help you learn Integrity and Mastery. Then you must forgive yourself and everyone
else involved. This involves cutting
energetic chords with them. Once you have done that, Shame will remove itself,
but the memory will stay with you.
There is more to do.
You must train yourself to stop behaviors that no longer serve you such
as:
· Seeking
approval from others
· Entertaining
the notion that you are a victim of anyone at any time – take personal
responsibility (the most important step toward personal mastery)
In the place of these old behaviors, install the habit of
seeing circumstances from an impersonal overview (which is a higher form of
love).
The last step in releasing an inner personal issue is the
dissolving of the energy of it, so that it simply no longer exists in your
universe. This is a subtle process and
difficult to describe so please, Dear One, listen carefully and absorb.
Once you were wounded by Shame and bound to it. That became the ‘background of your being.’ You had no idea what life was like without
Shame and you assumed that everyone had Shame with them as well. Then you learned that you were not obligated
to be bound by Shame and you let it go.
You felt free from Shame.
But, you can only feel ‘free FROM’ something if you think
it’s still around, just no longer holding your hand. If you think Shame is still a possibility in
the world, you will always try to avoid it.
You will re-live the experience, share your experience with others to
help them, and be vigilant to avoid being re-hooked by Shame.
When you assume complete mastery of your mind, heart,
and soul there is no need for Shame to be present any longer and it will
dissolve and disappear forever and completely.
You will not be someone who was wounded by Shame and bound to it. You will be someone who was never wounded.
Let us repeat this as it is a crucial point . . . there will
be no scar and the healing will be forgotten for you will be the unwounded
one. You will be immaculate.
To summarize, an inner personal issue is installed at your
request to help you learn something you wished to learn. The steps for fully utilizing this
opportunity to learn and ascend are:
(1) recognize that you’ve been hooked in a pattern and that
you’ve been gaining some low level of gratification from it
(2) forgive yourself and everyone else involved and cut the
energetic chords
(3) into the vacuum left by releasing the destructive
energies, you must install new healthy habits of action and thought
patterns.
When you can achieve an impersonal overview of your past and
present in regard to this issue and assert your mastery and autonomy, the
memories and scars of this issue will disappear.
You will be immaculate.
Now do you understand, dear child, why we would not tell you
how to ‘fix’ your sister?
Love as you are loved and realize that all is well and as
you ordered it to be. We await you in
the garden.”
